Freedom to Dream

Awake today with the gentle roar of the ocean waves

            Light pitter patter of rain on the sky lights as a small cloud passes by

Mist still thick on the ocean just beyond the breaking waves

            Slight whisper of a gentle breeze dancing through the branches in the forest

Everything seems still…in comparison to what the bustling coast life brings during spring break season

A baby eagle still with his dark hood and spots is talking in the trees,

            almost seems to echo in the quiet

Seagulls in the distance… flying… talking…

            sound inquisitively different amongst the still

You can feel it, you can hear it, as the coast is still and at rest

            It ushers in a sense of healing… a pause…

A call to *Selah… just listen… just be

The aroma of coffee brewing catches your senses and everything in your body wants to hold on to this moment in time. 

The things that once consumed my thoughts are now moving back into the distance

            Making room for thoughts you can not think in the noise

You can feel it, you can hear it, as the once pressing concerns part and make way

            It ushers in a moment to consider… to be free enough…

A call to *Selah…  to desire…  to dream

I don’t want it to end…

            The gentle roar of the ocean

            The pitter patter of rain drops

            The beautiful mist at sea

            The whisper of dancing wind through the forest

            The conversation of an eagle

            The gulls in the distance

            The aroma of fresh coffee

            The invitation to be still

            The invitation to heal

            The freedom to desire

            The freedom to dream

By Jennifer Still 2020

*In our study of the word Selah, in the bible, we noticed one of the references pointed to a pause, or pause and wait so as to listen to what God is saying.

(Take2) Fighting for Intimacy – Vlog (First EVER)

 

This is my first vlog (video blog) ever! I do apologize I do not have the text/typed version of this post available yet. Please bare with me while I work on that part. I hope you are able to play this video on which ever device you are using. Thanks to my husband Andy Still for the photography. I love it!

In Honor of Valentine’s Day

So we are heading into Valentine’s Day this week. I know so many of our men are so worried about being able to come through to deliver us our best Valentine’s Day. Their job is to make sure that we feel special, right? The stakes are high for guys everywhere. I think we forget that our guys feel so much pressure to come through for us. They may not get it to come out the way we think it should look but it is important that we let it turn out as their expression to us. The way they are trying to love us, or recognize that we are special to them. It is the unique way men love us that we need to receive rather than try to control.  I have met many women that will never allow their man to succeed. They find something wrong with every thing that he does. Many of these men who do not get to succeed, will eventually give up. They do not feel like they can ever win. I can relate because I struggled with that myself. I know it was easier for me to be disappointed and feel missed than be vulnerable enough to believe that I am special and let myself be loved. It was easier because it had seemed to be so true for a majority of my story. It felt like a long weary assault. I had gotten stuck there. At times I would try to let myself feel it, but at the first sign of disappointment I would shut down once again. Sometimes never to surface.

So much of this cycle reminds me of a groom who comes for his bride. He is trying to show and tell her in so many ways that he loves her. He tells her she is beautiful but she does not believe him because she doesn’t feel like she measures up. He tries to show her that she is wonderful in his eyes but she doesn’t feel like she has done enough, or is worth enough to deserve his love. Now for me it was a lot easier to blame the guy who is standing right in front of me trying, and agree that he just missed me altogether. But how has he been trying to say I am loved, wonderful, beautiful and enough? Look at all his efforts to show me. I try to stop and evaluate. What role might I be playing in my own disappointments? Am I unconsciously sabotaging my own worth in my own heart before my man even gets there?

I know, at times I have been too busy, too distracted, too wounded, or too weak to be vulnerable enough to let myself be loved like this. I have a man who desires that I would let myself be loved, seen, pursued and cherished by him. Sometimes it can be as simple as letting myself receive the love that is being given. I am going to look for it this week. My hope is to be strong enough… to let myself be vulnerable.

(Originally this post was crammed in with another one.  I decided to fix that.  They are really two separate posts.  So while I get into the swing of writing again, please bare with me.  I am willing to be real and vulnerable and me.)

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

An Adde Stone (short for Adeline)

A few weeks ago I was walking along the Oregon coast. We had some pretty wild storms come through recently. The beach was amazing! I like to pay extra attention and absorb all I can from my time there. I could see this very small stone, a little over 2 inches in diameter in the sand ahead of me. I knew I was going to pick it up. As I came closer I knew that this small stone was meant for a little girl in Missouri. In that moment I knew so much more. I knew exactly why. I ended up bringing it home and doing a little artwork on it. Then of course I needed to tell her all about the why so I made her a card. This is what I wrote…

Adde,

This is a stone that has traveled many miles through the ocean. It has been tossed through many storms over many years. Being buried and uncovered over time through the waves to and fro it has gotten extra smooth. This last storm on the coast had a mission. It needed to be strong enough to toss this stone up on the shore. It had to land in the perfect spot on the beach so a special person would find it. That person is special because she listens to things spoken without any words. She knew that the rock belonged in Missouri. She knows this rock belongs to Adeline. You see, Adeline is special too. God wants her to have this perfect, special stone. He wants her to know that she is special and beautiful… creative and brave. He wants her to know that He loves her. Not just any rock would do for His special girl. He hand picked this one out of the ocean before she was born. He has brought this rock over 2,000 miles just to be with her because this is not just any stone. It is an “Adde Stone”.

XOXO Lots of Love,

Nana Jennifer

My prayer for Adde is that she would know from a very young 4 years old that she is special. So special that He hand picked a stone out of the ocean just for her. A stone that traveled through years and sand, waves and storms to land in just the right place. That just the right person with the right words would come along and gather it up for Him to give to her as a very special gift. To help her see, in a world that can be so unkind to her worth, that she is on His mind, His heart and that she is seen. That He truly sees her value and is willing to take the time and care to call it out. He is willing to have it travel half way across the country to reach her with this message. There are so many ways to be loved in this life. My hope is that she can allow herself at a young age to be loved like this…known like this.

It feels extremely vulnerable sharing this blog post. Not everybody sees, hears, or understands the world the way I do. I am misunderstood a lot and that is ok. I spent too many years being quiet and holding back this part of myself. So I’ll offer it… here.

Thanks for entertaining a different perspective.

(For those of you who read this before I actually had two blog posts in one. I have since reorganized and you can find the other part in the Valentines day blog.)

Buying Myself Back continued…

It has taken me many weeks to finally make my first official entry here in the ledger where I have promised to “Buy Myself Back“. I decided to be thankful for my body instead of cursing/hating it, like I have been doing my whole life. Whether it was consciously, or subconsciously I want to stop. I will do this one body part at a time if need be. There was this ache in my mind, my heart and even deep in my soul to finally stop this war against my own body and its design. The ache to also stop striving to be something/someone other that who I am physically. I have, my whole life either led the assault against my body, or agreed with every perspective, or judgement against my physical design. I can honestly say that everyday since my “Buying Myself Back” blog I have been loving my myself and my body. I have been fighting to to care for it and shutting down and replacing those negative thoughts. My biggest struggle these past few weeks has been that I could not write down what I did not truly believe and feel is absolute truth. I needed to have my heart finally agree with my head. I was missing the connection to the emotional pieces. Sometimes you can know something in your head is right and you can move forward. I guess that is what has made this part has hard as it has been. I thought I had this all handled before but found those awful messages/thoughts still roaming free like they owned real estate. Don’t get me wrong, I did have great and wonderful freedom. I am not diminishing my progress. I just had no idea how vicious this fight would be. That’s when I realized it is a full on war. I am daring to go in the war zone to free a captive, or a prisoner…and I am not leaving with out her!

I can honestly say that I truly love and appreciate my body. It took me a fat minute (literally weeks of concentration and intention) to empty my head of all the things I have thought meant you were pretty, which meant you were “ok”, which really meant you are worthy. Worthy of love, consideration, acknowledgement, recognition, honor, respect, to have your basic needs met, to dream, to desire, to be fought for, to be seen as feminine, to be chosen, or worthy of love... and the list goes on. Until I could say those things and honestly agree and connect with not just my need but with my longing for those things, I could not move forward. Those were standing in the way like locked bars on a huge cage inside a high security building. I had an idea of what was in there but had not taken the necessary inventory which meant intentionally going through all the security checkpoints to get there. Just typing all this out is emotionally draining, but it is like a good work out that you know has left you better, stronger and healthier than you started out.

I had really wanted to blog so much earlier but this has been a process. I tried to blog about some other random topic but this is where I needed to spend my efforts and intentions to truly honor my journey. I feel good about it. I hope women can begin to let go of all the false things we strive so hard for. Let’s strive to be whole, free and who we are truly meant to be!

Buying myself back

I heard a great message yesterday. If you are interested in hearing it too you can CLICK HERE. I highly recommend it. His message really struck something in me. He talked about how you can work at something over time and cumulatively you can make progress. The picture he used was working out at the gym. You can have a great workout and go to work the next day but chances are that people aren’t going to say, “hey you must have worked out last night, I can really see a difference.” Over a long period of time a small investment can accumulate into noticeable progress. That investment has a pay off. But he also said the same is true for neglect. Not doing anything can add up over time leaving a huge deficit. He used not investing in your marriage as one of those examples…ouch! But the gym analogy is appropriate for this as well.

There are actual studies that have shown plants dying back, or becoming sickly just with negative and mean words being spoken to them. Whereas the other side of the study there were positive and kind spoken to the other plant and it was thriving and beautiful. I was amazed at the data and the pictures.

Being an empty-nester has left me with actual time to think, reflect and notice things about myself. I am getting to know myself in ways I didn’t know that I should have known all these years. Life has a way of being super busy and going by too quickly. When it’s just you and the cat most of the day you start to notice the things that run through your head. I have lots of silly things that I hope I never say out loud. But I have been also taking notice of the things that I say to myself about myself that are just unkind. Seriously, I would be embarrassed if I ever spoke the words out loud because they are cruel and demeaning. So much contempt I have for not just my personality but even for my body-both in what it looks like and how it functions. I am someone who has come a long way with body shaming. This is me healthier and I am still shocking my own self at the thoughts that just run rampant like an undisciplined child.

Many years ago, I struggled to even leave my house. I was concerned about the people in public that had to encounter me. I needed to just stay home to not cause anyone any grief, or discomfort for even being in my presence. Wow, that is really painful to type out. I thought just admitting it was hard. Sheesh! Like I said, I have come a long way from there. But I am always wanting to accept an invitation to heal that and have freedom from that further.

Pastor Randy, in that message yesterday also mentioned redeeming what was lost. Buying back was has been stolen. Over time it making a difference. I cannot even list all the ways I have cursed my female body, for how it looks, how it functions down to hormones, or just the shape of my feet. I struggled with suicide until I was about 37 years old. Again, I have come a long way. I have healed a lot, but I think it is time for me to buy myself back. I want to buy back what was stolen, or what I gave away for so many years. I want to cumulatively change and restore all that I have personally spoken and/or cursed about my personality, my feminine heart, or my body all these years. God has already come in and spoken lovely and endearing things. He has purchased and made all that new. Then, He asked me to believe Him about those things and actually agree with Him about who I am, instead of agreeing with my enemy about who I am. So this next step is me going deeper. I didn’t realize until I was alone with the cat that I still have these hidden messages/thoughts roaming around in my head. Cumulatively over time they are becoming a place of neglect of my own heart. Pastor read from Ephesians 5 where it is talking about living intentionally. I didn’t realize that doing nothing was just as harmful for me in this area of my life.

I had walked away from this ledger (photo above) in November. I was trying to not spend money. I could not stop thinking about it. It wasn’t expensive but I am a sucker for faux leather binding and the beautiful texture and color of the paper inside so I try to not just emotionally buy something . But it continued to inspire me to want to draw, journal, write and even do accounting in it…LOL! I finally came up with an idea for journaling so I went back hoping in the Christmas rush it was still there. It was!

So it begins… my accounting… my ledger. I am going to buy back myself. I am going to begin a ledger journal about the things I love about myself, my heart and my body. I want to be thankful for those things. I will have an entry for all three areas and I am sure many more. I want to replace even the unknown thoughts that over so many years were so familiar I did not even notice their presence in my life still today. I am not expecting it to be easy. Just like the gym I am sure some of it will burn, or I wont want to do it. I need to change my habits where this is concerned and my plan is to do it intentionally. I want to play an active role in the redemption of my story. I know God has done His part. I want to go further in my agreement of how He sees me and who I am to Him. Because really, out of all the choices I have made, things I have said/done… how He feels about me and how He sees me is the truer reality of who I really am.

Do You Attend a Church…Or “Thee” Church?

Before we begin, let’s agree on one thing about “The Church”.  “The Church” as a whole is the body of Christ.  The body of Christ contains many churches, or body parts, not just arms or legs, or in some cases an arm or a leg singular.  I am sadden so many times as we come through different towns/cities and visit churches.  Everywhere we go it seems like there is always a struggle for churches to realize that they are not the way the truth and the life.  The only way to the Father is not just through them and their church.  There is such a resistance for churches to network together for the Kingdom.  This I do not understand.  We are all part of the same team.  We have the same coach.  We have the same mascot.  We have the same colors.  We also have the same opposition, and guess what folks…its not each other.

Unfortunately and sadly that is not what we experience.  Instead of a united force to be reckoned with, we are segregated, divided and distracted.  We act as though we are, our own team.  We are distracted from the main objective which is to be united.  To be a representation of who God chose to be at His side.  God’s objective, from the very beginning was relationship, not winning.  It was intimacy not strategy.  Now…yes, we do have to be strategic because of the world we are in now but we are supposed to be joined together…on the same team…the same Bride.  We all have the same enemy.

We are distracted as a church.  Many times we see this with the business of church.  That is not, essentially, a unity builder.  Businesses are in constant competition for a customer base.  There is this underlying message that what “WE” have is what is really needed and what you really want.  Then you have to maintain your numbers, programs, events etc to keep your customers happy.  Keep convincing them that your product is the best and the “only” thing they need.  I do understand there is a level of business going on.  The churches have a lot of cost involved with buildings, utilities, supplies and staffing.  While understanding that it does not change the fact that it is still a distraction from what the church was supposed to be. Just because we have chosen to be a slave to debt and/or a business mindset does not mean we are justified in acting as though other churches are out to “steal” our customers, or that we have to protect ourselves from other believers.  This, to me, is heartbreaking.

Now, I am not trying to shame The Church/God’s Bride/God’s team.  I am hoping to pose a question, or checkpoint for our hearts.  Invite God in and ask Him to search and know your hearts individually and then as a church.  Ask Him,

Are we functioning in fear, or freedom?  Do we REALLY trust you?” 

“Are we choosing to fall the way Eve did and question your very heart toward us and take control of our surroundings and wall ourselves off from the community and the rest of Your Bride?” 

“Is our motivation what Jesus asked us to do…Love God and love people?  If not God, help us know what that would that look like.” 

“Are we operating in and do we truly believe that we all have the same enemy and it is not each other?  If not God, what would that look like?” 

“How are we, as a church, helping you prepare and build up Your Bride/body of Christ in house and beyond our doors?” 

Lastly we need to ask “As a Bride, are we loving you well as our Groom? If not God, help us know what that would that look like.

Let’s get leadership and our congregations together for meetings over these questions and agendas.  Let’s spend some time problem solving the answers to these questions.

We forget that it was the Church, His Bride that hung Him on the cross.  He hung there and still chose to be married to us.  He still chose to lay His life down for us.  He still chose to believe that we were not His enemy “Forgive them Father, they know not what they have done.”  This speaks volumes to me.  It means He is saying, “I still choose to lay my life down for them/her/My Bride.  I choose to not fight with flesh and blood but against the powers of our enemy.” 

This has been something that has bothered me since I was a kid.  The older I got and the more I understand about God’s heart and why He chose what He did to be written in the bible, it bothers me even more.  I spend time praying for “Her/Us…His Bride.”  I hope you will too.

Guess Who Rescued Me????

Guess who rescued me?

My story, like so many others has a villain. He has worn many masks. His disguises are very deceptive. He can act like a total stranger but most often his tactic is to take on the appearance of someone I love. To have the appearance of someone I am supposed to feel safe with. He loves to get away with making me think that my pain, wound, or attack has come from someone who is supposed to love me.

When I was 5 years old I was betrayed by someone at my church. Someone who was designed by God as a mentor. I remember realizing that this was such a horrible thing that it would require something like army soldiers to come in with big guns and even a tank to rescue me. The view I had of a soldier was that they stand up for those who are unable and would fight on their behalf, all in a valiant rescue from the terror. I remember one day in particular that I was getting mad and even experienced hot angry sad tears as I waited.

“Why weren’t they coming?”
“Why didn’t anyone know to call them?”
“Why weren’t they coming to rescue me?”

Let’s fast forward to a time in my young adult life. I was betrayed by someone who promised to take care of me. I was older by now and even tried to go to the police. I kept thinking surely they can step in with all their authority and protect me from the terror. But again, I was left alone wondering ….

“Why weren’t they coming through?”
“Why didn’t anyone know how to make it stop?”
“Why weren’t they going to rescue me?”

Terror was winning again.

One day God was speaking to me. He was asking me about some of these things from those past experiences that were in my heart. He kept touching them and asking about them. I kept coming back with “Well he did/said… (whatever it was)” But He kept asking me the same question. Finally I was getting really angry. I was beginning to feel betrayed by God for a moment. Then He gently said, “I am not asking you about him, or him, or even the other hims….I am asking my darling…What you did to your heart with what he/they did to you? What did you choose to do with those things in your own heart? I want to help you let those go. I don’t want them to keep hurting you.”

This was one of those times that God came in revealed that His heart is really for me not against me. It was also a time that He revealed that my heart really matters to Him not just my being saved from my sins but for my heart to truly be rescued. My hurting, aching, betrayed heart mattered to Him. I know I say it a lot but He said in Isaiah 61 that He came to bring the good news, to grieve with the mourning, and to set the captives free. That they (I) would trade ashes for beauty and be a mighty oak of righteousness in the planting of the day of the Lord.
I know many of you have heard the Easter story over and over again. You may think you have it down by now. I pray that you don’t ever settle for that. I pray that you are asking Jesus to show you every day, every year even more how and in how many ways He has rescued you. It isn’t Jesus meek and mild that went down to hell and grabbed those keys on my behalf. It was an Almighty King! The King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He wasn’t messing around with making it look nice and pretty and appropriate for church on Sunday. The cross was violent, bloody and messy. He took all of that on for me. Then He conquered sin and He conquered death. I can only imagine what that intense scene was like …. Him conquering sin, death, hell. I wish there was a decent movie representation of how I see Jesus as a warrior especially in that moment. I know He is all things but I think the meek and mild has been way overstated and way overdone to the point of it being blasphemous. Ya… I’m sure Ill hear about that statement from someone. But I am not interested in winning any popularity contests. I want to be real and alive with a real live Jesus in my life here today. I want to offer the same amazing rescue to a hurting, lonely, orphaned world. The world needs a valiant rescue. There are Christians out there who need a valiant rescue. Christians who are saved by grace but they do not really know Jesus personally. They do not have to whole story. They do not know that their hearts matter and that the pain, betrayal and abandonment they have suffered matter to Him too. He came to be with us in all of that. I keep hearing that message that Christ suffered and asks us to suffer with Him. Well He did and He does but the message I have heard from quite a few churches really skews that scripture making us question God’s deep heart for us. That is wrong! He saw that we were suffering, grieving, imprisoned and decided we needed someone to come along side us in our sufferings…not only that but to take our place and on our behalf.
Take time this year to not settle for the same old Easter story. It was a valiant rescue.

Do you know ALL of your own story?
Did you know that your heart, not just your sin matters to God?
What does your rescue really look like?
Ask your real live rescuer to answer that for you?

Wife Tip of the Day…..revisit

Loving a man. What does that look like?

I tried to send a movie clip but of course it was too big. It was from Cinderella man. He is getting ready to go to the big fight. He may lose his life. There is a lot on the line. Her and the kids go to see him off. You can see the pain in his eyes as he reads hers. He does not have her support.

After dropping her kids off she goes to the church to pray. She gets there and says, “I am here to pray for Joe.”

The preacher says, “so are they” and you can see the church is packed. “They all believe that Joe is fighting for them.”

Like I said there is a lot on the line. I do not remember the whole jist.

She finally realizes this is so huge and he can not do this without her support. She goes to Madison Square Garden and sees him before the fight. She says, “you can’t win without me behind you”. He says, “that’s what I have been trying to tell to you.”

She gets close and looks into his eyes and her tender mercy comes for him fiercely as she starts to speak out who he is. Reminding him, he is the bulldog of the county, he is the pride of New Jersey, he is the hero of his children and the champion on her heart. She of course, is outstanding and says it better. You can see him now. He is able to fight the dragon, climb the highest mountain, or save all humanity. He is believed in by the one person on this planet who can offer that to him.

We are a picture of God’s tender mercy as woman. I believe that mercy is vulnerable, wise and fierce (meaning it wont leave us to battle alone….ever)! I want to remind all of us that our men need to know we believe in them. If you are reading this most of you have a good man in your life. I hope you hear me on this….he is a GOOD man. He is getting taken out by something in his world. Job, finances, ministry, volunteering, parenting and everything concerning you is constantly being tested. His strength is constantly being tested. Who he is, is constantly being weighed. There is a lot at stake. He has a huge fear that he won’t be able to come through….for you. The question constantly churning for him is “Do I have what it takes?”

Now of course, he must first have that core question answered by God. That deep validation has to come from God first. But God also called us to play an irreplaceable role in our men’s lives. They can not do this without us. It is not good for man to be alone. Genesis…. Then God creates a helper for him. Not hamburger helper, but more like a, ‘I can’t do this without her support, her mercy, her sight, her love, her trust, her respect’….an irreplaceable role kind of helper.

All it takes is one role of the eyes, one correction, one “whatever” out of your mouth, one way of under minding his authority (whether that be with kids, finances, job, or social setting) to leave him feeling completely emasculated. We have the capability to strip them of their strength and masculine role(s) in just one disrespectful gesture. It says, “I do not trust you, I do not need you, I do not believe in you, and I do not respect you.”

But our design is that we are called to fit perfectly together with him and be his helper, mercy, sight, love, trust and respect. No other on this planet is close enough and shares in that oneness with him. No wonder it is so hard. No wonder it does not always come naturally. It is something that must be fought for…chosen. It is one of a very short list of things in this life that are actually worth fighting for.

That saying, behind every good man there is a better woman….is birthed from this very design. We are meant to be one…truly one. We can not do it without each other.

I know as women we tend to immediately go to…he doesn’t deserve my respect or my support in whatever it is. God doesn’t love like that. It is not conditional. We are not called to love like that either. Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. It doesn’t say, if you feel like it, if he deserves it, or if you agree. Your hope can not be in your husband but it can be in God. God is telling you this is the way to go then their will be fruit. You can trust in God to fulfill it if He says to do it.

I know this might be a little harsh for some of us, myself included, but God has moved me to share it. It is worth fighting for.

It is another part of my identity in Christ. I am still the Jennifer that He called not as “hamburger helper” but as “my husband can’t do this without my love, respect, support, sight and mercy.” (even my sons, my brothers in Christ, my dad, etc)

Ask The Question…(repost)

Have you ever asked the question?  You know the scariest question you will ever ask God.

God, who do you say that I am?

Who am I to you?

How do you really feel about me?

Now think about that.  If you have not ever done this, it is an essential part of who you are as a human being.  To hear from your Creator who He says that you are and what you mean to Him is the most powerful experience I have ever had.

Some people have a hard time quieting their minds and bodies long enough to really listen.  Even if you are someone who practices this, it can be a challenge.  If you never have but are going to try it, then please know that it takes time.  It isn’t something that you ring the service bell for and God comes running to see what it is you need.  He longs for us to stop and spend time with Him.  He desires to speak into us our very existence and how He feels about us.

I have to say the first time I asked, I was so afraid.  I kept trying to figure out why it was so hard.  Then I asked myself the question, “What are you afraid of Jennifer?”

As soon as I had asked myself this question, I knew that I was afraid I would see disappointment on His face.  It was overwhelmingly unbearable to even think about.  I could not seem to move forward until I dealt with this fear.  I took it to Him.  The fear seemed to be too big, like it eclipsed everything and left the truth in the shadows.

I asked Him for help.  I knew it could not be done in my own strength.  So I had to surrender all my insecurities and really trust Him and trust that His heart is for me not against me.  Once I surrendered that, there was no question about how He truly feels about me.  I felt like I could look up straight into His eyes.  I was met with adoration and an unconditional love that to try to describe with words would cheapen it into something less than what it really was.  I felt like a bride on my wedding day and my groom looking at me like I am the only cherished and treasured thing in his life.  Something changed in me.  I will never forget that moment.

He began to speak to me with and without words.  I knew things by the feeling I had in response to such a love.  There is something irrefutable about who you are in the absolute core of your being when you hear from your God, who He says that you are.  It makes all the other voices, responses from others and even what your past directly reflects about you, take a backseat.  It has made it so much easier for me when my past, or my accuser comes to try and act they have a place to treat me badly, or as though I am less than….I can just say “I am not for sale!  I have been bought and paid for.  If you have an issue with that then you can talk to the guy who purchased it.”

The truest thing about me is that moment when Jesus is gazing into my eyes as though I am His beloved cherished and adored bride.  He would lay down His life for me to get to keep mine.  I am nothing less than how much He loves me.  I am worth nothing less than what my purchaser has paid for me.

Please take the time… to ask the question!