, , , , , , , , , ,

This morning I ran to the store to grab something.  I thought I would go to the breakfast cafe and grab some muffins for church.  It was so crammed full of cars and people because it was Mother’s Day.  I kept seeing man after man, young and old.  You could smell the fear and defeat in the air.  You could see it on every man’s face and in the slump of his shoulders.  The weight and worry of Mother’s day not going well.  It may as well have been Valentine’s day with the weightiness in the air.

I am not sure women understand the pressure men feel.  It is because they soooooooo desparately want to come through for us.  I have heard stories from women about what their men have done to surprise them.  Then they continue to say how he missed it.  How she wanted red instead of blue, somehow he got some part of it wrong.  That seems to be their only focus.  Other women just resign their hearts because he didn’t, or doesn’t do anything.  In talking further I find out why he doesn’t try anymore.  While I am listening all I can think of is “thank you God I am not a husband because I do not believe anyone could do it right!”

Coming through looks differently to men than it does to women.  Now I am not saying that this is the case for all couples.  There are many men who do not try to come through for their wives because they do not know what to do so they just do what men would like.  I understand that many women feel missed by their men.  But we have to decide we are on the same team at some point.  We have to trust that their hearts are for us and not against us.  We have to decide to communicate all our expectations but first make sure that our expectations are reasonable.

Men can not read minds.  I find even with my own marriage, being full aware of this tendancy, I still forget that my husband really doesn’t know what I am thinking unless I communicate it to him.  Even when I communicate it to him, I need to be willing to listen to the fact that it might not be reasonable.  Asking him to validate who I am with what he does, or with how hard he tries is unreasonable.

We can not expect them to validate us.  We have to get our deep validation from God first.  Then what we get from our husbands is all extra!  It is a dangerous thing to take your core question, “Am I ok?  Am I worth it?” to our husband.  That has to come from God first.  You have to really know who you are to Him before your husband can answer his part of your question.  Because yes you have to know that he, your husband, thinks you are worth it and that you are lovely!  But he will let you down if you expect him to speak into the very place that was meant for God.