I just want to share an example of what it looks like when warfares collide. It can take everybody out. The best one I have is with me and one of my sons. I have learned through much trial and even more error, to try and pay attention when I am feeling the need to lose it. I ask myself the questions….”What’s really going on here because the way I am feeling is not from God? What am I believing about this person or myself that is making me react? Do I really trust God right now with everything?”
Well my son and I had just had it out. He is a great kid. One of his biggest challenges is listening. At the moment he was having a hard time not listening to me. Because he didn’t listen about something it meant there would be a cost to someone else. It was one of those things that I had repeated over and over again. I was dealing with a level of frustration too. So while I am berating him for not listening I can see that I am taking him out. He is, in this very moment, believing that he is bad and that he can not and will not ever get it right. I know this because it is apparent by this body language and also because we have talked about it before. We have asked him what lies are you believing right now? It has helped us expose the enemy so he can begin to fight those lies on his own.
So I stopped right then and there. I asked God, “what is going on here? Please show me?” He took me to the root of my emotion. Back to a time where I did not feel listened to. “No I don’t want to go with him.” Then having to go anyway and have bad things happen. It cost me alot when I was little. The stakes were high for me. It hits me in that place when I do not feel listened to. I begin to almost panic because I am preparing for the disaster that is coming next. I will have to pay for it somehow. (At least that is the root of the lie and where it comes from for me.)
God showing me that right then in the moment was so huge. I was able to stop and ask him to sit down with me. I shared with him that part of my story. I told him I was sorry. I explained that when people do not listen to me it makes me feel like bad things are going to happen. I told him that particular wound doesn’t have anything to do with him. It is that broken place in me. So I have to be extra careful and be extra accountable about my wounds and how they can cause me to react in a way that is not right. I told him that is part of my warfare….the things that come against me and have for most of my life.
I was able to show him how my reaction hit him in his warfare. He struggles with feeling like he is bad and that he can not do anything right. In that place he doesn’t feel worthy of love or anything. He was shocked to see that I knew how he was feeling. I was able to watch his posture and countence change quite a bit. I also reminded him that he is not allowed to believe those lies about himself. He is responsible for fighting against them with the truths about who God is to him and who he is to God.
He said he was so sorry. I made sure he knew that he wasn’t responsible for my old wounds. That I was. I was able to say I am sorry to him for reacting and giving in to the temptation of my warfare and my old wounds.
I took a risk in being vulnerable with my son and really sharing my heart and my story. God can do so many wonderful things with vulnerability and transparency. He also began listening better because it was about him fighting for his mom’s heart and it wasn’t about just him getting it right. I did not tell him to do that. He just did because he knew what I was battling, it made him want to rise up and fight for me.
There is reason I used this example with my son. It is super easy to see the grace flow right? Easy when we are talking about our kids. But what would this look like in your marriage? Teaming together to expose the enemy who is trying to cause division. I have a couple examples for marriage as well and will share those at a later time. I am still Jennifer, even though I have been redeemed and made new I am in the process of learning what it means to walk in it and choose it everyday.