Being a woman I try to be careful to not interpret male emotions. I try to make sure that I do not expect men to be women. God created us with distinct differences so that they could come together and make one whole unit. I have worked with women regarding emotional affairs. But one thing that I think is across the board no matter male, or female that we must recognize…sex, whether you have it or not, is emotional to both men and women. We tend to think that just because we have not done the physical act that we have not united ourselves to another. That is where we have to be watchful. God’s design for sex, unity, marriage is 1 + 1 = 1. With in that final one is actually 3, husband, wife and God. We forget we are dealing with a supernatural force. Just like when we put money, people, work, or whatever it may be before God we are committing adultery, at least that is what the bible says that God says. God is always looking at our hearts. He said if you have looked on a woman with lust then you have already committed adultery. I am not saying that in a condemning way and neither is God. It is to reveal the way the enemy has snuck in and tricked us into thinking it is ok when really it is stealing something from us. I like to show women that it is easy to look at that passage and think we are not being spoken to as women, but really if you look at the heart of it women can just as easily say, if you have given your heart, or emotions over to a man who is not God, or your husband, then you have committed adultery in your heart. But again I do not believe those are gender specific. Either way, God is trying to get us to see what is taking place in our hearts not just physically.
We are first married to God. We are the Bride of Christ. We put no other gods, or anything before Him, or in His rightful place. Again, this is not meant to feel condemning.
A personal example…I, myself, am dealing with my own heart and God right now. I have a business that is thriving beyond what I had imagined so quickly. God is blessing it everyday. But I am trying to find the balance. I am being romanced by success and have slowly noticed God taking a backseat because I have no time. I am not having a physical affair but both God and my husband can feel an absence of my heart…..to be really real with you, so do I. I am even missing myself. My point here is that no matter what it is your enemy is going to try to break up the unity you have with your God and with your spouse. He will trick and sneak and you will not even notice it is there until you find that you are grasping to keep hold of that thing that used to make you feel good. Going to God’s word helps to put that truth in front of us so that the lie can be exposed not to condemn.
When walking with women through ending an emotional affair we have to recognize they have given over a part of themselves that doesn’t belong to them. They took what was God’s or their husband’s and gave it to and/or tied themselves to someone else. Recognizing what really has taken place and then renouncing those ties…cutting them off and giving them back to God and then asking God to heal. Then place the work, blood and power of the cross between you and them and all the spirits, or evil devices that come against you is a great place to start.
You may find that placing the work, blood and power of the cross between you two at first feels harsh, or unnecessary because you feel no ill will toward them. But the reality is you are not fighting a battle between flesh and blood but against principalities and powers. So far the only thing on record that can defeat principalities and powers is the work, blood, and power of the cross. It will also help you with those ties that will try to still give the illusion that they are there. Jesus gave us the perfect example of that when He laid His life down for His bride, the church……the ones who were crucifying Him. He still chose to be married knowing that His bride was being deceived and that He was suffering at her hand.
It is a lot like coaching a teen boys football team. Over and over again they let their running back get clobbered because the line is not doing what they are supposed to. In order to coach the linebackers you have to give them a bigger picture about what is taking place. The minute you give them the example … that the running back is their mom and they are their dad. What would happen if you were not where you were supposed to be, doing what your are supposed to do? Then your mom would be standing there alone with the entire opposing team coming after her to take her out. Now, it doesn’t matter if they are from a great home, or a broken home with an absent father. Every boy on that team gets exactly what it looks like and how important their commitment to their position is to the team…the unit. I can give that same example but I am the linebacker these last few months. I am leaving my husband vulnerable to getting taken out by his opposition if I am not where I am supposed to be in our unit(y) and that includes my relationship with God.
I hope you can feel safe here and not feel condemned. We are all getting tested, weighted, attacked and taken out. But we need each other. We need different perspectives of the same story. We need others to hold us up when we can not stand and we need to know that we will always be pointed back to God’s deepest heart for us. Nothing that I will share about what you are struggling with is not anything I am not, on some level, fighting against too.